Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Dewfuss Clan Takes Annual New Year Bath in Birch Bay, Washington

Many members of the Northwest Washington and Southwest Canada branches of the Dewfuss clan travel each year to Birch Bay to take their annual bath. Under the rules of the clan, each member must take at least one and no more than five full-immersion baths per year, and a growing number of Dewfii (plural of Dewfuss) prefer to take their one bath in Birch Bay on New Years Day.

Dewfii, Their Supporters, and Observers Assemble on the Birch Bay Shore,
January 1, 2013, 10:55 a.m.

Members of the NW/SW branches of the Dewfuss clan live mostly on the higher elevations of the Cascade Mountains where they grow cotton and tomatoes, write blogs, and act in reality television shows. The clan is better known in South Carolina, Alabama, and Mississippi, where its branches make up a majority of the population.

Dewfii Observers in Kayaks Certify Which Clan Members Complete a
Full-Immersion Bath
Today, January 1, 2013, a dark, dismal, bitterly cold day, the Dewfii and their supporters (plus curious and somewhat appalled onlookers) assembled on Birch Bay beaches piled with snow, the debris from the recent wind storms, and flotsam and jetsam brought by Ocean currents from the Japan. As part of the annual ritual, at 10:55 a.m. the Dewfii  carefully unwrapped small bars of soap taken from hotel rooms and compellingly threatened the children who really did not want to take a bath.
At Exactly 11:00 a.m., Dewfii Clan Members and Supporters Head into Birch Bay for the Annual Bath;
The Guy With the Green Hat is a Member of the Dewfii Senate that Makes Policy for the Clan.
The Guys in White Hats with Ears Are Dewfii Eunuchs 
At 11:00 a.m., a whistle blew and clan members removed their robes and outer garments, leaving only the tee-shirts and cutoffs they wear year-round. (Most consider it efficient to wash their wardrobes at the same time they wash themselves.) Then they ran into the water willy-nilly. By tradition, they yelled something silly and loud as they entered the water. When the clan leader gave the signal, they, in order to get full credit for a bath, immersed themselves for at least two seconds.

When the Dewfii Leader Gave the Signal, the Dewfii Immersed Themselves
Under the Water for at least Two Seconds, Leaving Only the Seagulls Visible
When they de-immersed, most dewfii were shocked by how clean they felt, and laughing and yelling, they raced to the shore, many waving their arms to help dry their shirts. Following the required ritual, they told on-lookers that the bath "wasn't too bad" and grinned as if they are really goofy.

Some Dewfii, after De-Immersing, Raised their Arms to Help Dry
Their Shirts More Quickly; After Returning to Shore,
each Dewfuss was Required to Say "It Wasn't Too Bad"
When it is all over, the Dewfii returned to their buses and bicycles for the trip home, secure in the knowledge that they do not have to take a bath for another whole year.

After Completing the Annual Bath, the Dewfii and the Supporters Return to
Shore Ready to Return to their Cascade Mountain Farms for a Day of Face-Booking and Blogging

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